What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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