I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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