Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
one might say we're banned from that church
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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