i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
