its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
