If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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