Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
