i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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