I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
