cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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