We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Did I show you my penis last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.