He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.