Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
