It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend