I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's the barista slut.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.