After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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