It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
