But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
