Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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