My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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