State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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