I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he was CRYING into my vagina
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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