Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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