all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
