plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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