making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
