are you still at the devil's house?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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