i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
