if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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