I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
