You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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