apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
