Sry I called you an 8
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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