We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
