It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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