I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
3 2 1 whiskey
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
