It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
