he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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