I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
