I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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