Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
