Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
