Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
