I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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