we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
