Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
