i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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