He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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