You work out of a Hotel?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
