I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
