Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
