just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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