I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
