I think i sorta joined a cult last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
