You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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