Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize