Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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