and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
