Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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