the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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