those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
