Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
