I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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