That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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