A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
