he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
