He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
