here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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