Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
