it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
