would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
