the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
