this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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