I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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