Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
