I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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